


All She Could Give is a Bittersweet Goodbye

by Onlyafraidoffear



Category: One Piece
Genre: 5+1 Things, Abortion, Child Pregnancy, Dubious Consent, Forced to give up her baby, Gen, Miscarriage, Past Rape, Robin is Luffy's mom (just go with it in this)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onlyafraidoffear/pseuds/Onlyafraidoffear
Summary: A child can't raise a child, even in the best circumstances, and Nico Robin was far from the best circumstances.Alternately: Four times Nico Robin lost a child and the time she got one back.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Nico Robin
Comments: 23
Kudos: 66





	1. A Bittersweet Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to get so much hate for this, but the idea wouldn't leave my head- warnings for child rape, child pregnancy, birth in horrible circumstances, and dubious consent to giving up a child.
> 
> Nico Robin gave birth to Luffy at 11- please see authors note at the end for more detailed explanation- the plot bunny kicked me in the head and wouldn't stop until I wrote this. I have never seen this done before, and it warps all facts of the One Piece universe.

"But he needs me!" The child shrieked desperately clinging onto the baby in her arms, equally as distressed by the panicked screams he released.

The girl would have been a pretty thing had she not been so emaciated, her thin arms clinging to the infant in her grip, hair dark her limp and dull against her pale face, her blue eyes shining with tears that were beginning to be shed.

"I'm his mother-you can't take him away from me," she all but screamed, clinging to her baby as tightly as she could.

The object of her ire was an older man, wearing a white suit with golden shoulder epaulets, a scar on his face just under his right eye. He looked at the child-practically still a baby herself-clinging onto her own baby as if he was her only lifeline, which he supposed he was in his own way.

The baby let out a particularly heart wrentching cry- the young mother immediately going to soothe her terrified baby, but never letting the man out of her sight even as she did so.

"I'm sorry sweetheart mommy didn't mean to make you so upset-there now, nothing's going to happen to you. I won't let anything happen to you," she kissed her child's forehead, and glared at the object of her distress both in fear and in anger at the sheer gall of the man to make her child upset," No one's going to take you away from me. I won't let anyone take you away from me."

The man looked at the terrified mother in a mixture of sadness, pity, and sympathy, "Kid, I'm not going to lie to you, you're in a bad situation. You can barely feed yourself, and your body is overworking itself trying to feed him too, as well as keep yourself alive. How long do you think you can keep running for?"

"I've made it this far!" She raged," I've made it this far and I can keep doing it!"

"Not with a baby you can't," the man quietly countered," if you were by yourself, I don't doubt you're resourceful enough to pull it off and keep running, but it's infinitely harder to run when you've got someone depending on you. You're a smart girl Nico Robin-I know that you know this."

The girl stubbornly shook her head, trying to deny what she knew deep down was true. She had been able to last three years on her own, but only because she had nothing to protect and that had been a chain of betrayals and violations-one of which resulting in the child in her arms. She had become even more desperate, had run even harder as soon as she had become aware that there was a life growing in her- she had quickly come to realize that as much as the child had become a reason to keep living, it had also weighed her down-literally. Towards the end of her pregnancy her belly had grown so heavy she could no longer walk, leaving her at the mercy of the town she had found herself in. No one wanted to help her, though no one had called the marines so much they had pitied her, probably assuming she would die with her baby-the people could wait that long to turn her in for her bounty, she was listed under 'dead or alive' after all. It was certainly easier to turn in a corpse than a living breathing person who could fight back after all.

She given birth in a filthy back alley behind a bar with broken glass all over the ground and an aroma of rotting food permeating the air, with rats and roaches as her midwives. Quite frankly she couldn't remember the majority of the experience, just blood and pain (ithurtso _ **bad**_ ), and then something tearing, fluid everywhere, and then he was out, and it was over. She had no idea how she hadn't died from blood loss, how she hadn't developed an infection, how he was as healthy as he was (as far as she could tell anyway, which didn't inspire much confidence). But she held him-still covered in blood and fluid- and her first concrete emotional memory was of seeing his face (lovelovelovelove _ **love**_ ) and realizing her life had once again been rocked off its axis.

The people in the town, after realizing that she wouldn't be dying, had quickly fought over who got to turn her in. She had managed to use the confusion of the infighting to run for the nearby forest, though walking was very difficult. She had a reason to keep fighting now, but he took a lot out of her. His cries were what eventually gave her away during a week-long game of hide and seek in the jungles with the marines, while she tried to figure out a way off of the island.

He cornered her when she was hiding out in a small grove, she had been trying to nurse him and in her exhausted state hadn't been vigilant enough. The man hadn't attacked, just sat there and looked at her with pity-normally she loathed it, but she had thought that she might be able to use it to get out of this alive and with her baby alive-then he had tried to take him from her.

"Kid, you're his mother-no one is ever going to be able to take that away from you," the horrible man grumbled quietly, " You're trying, anyone can see that, can see how much you love that little boy you're holding, but you're a child yourself, you know you can't do this-can't raise him like you want to."

"Yes, I can! I'll make it work-you can't take him from me!" She denied, the tears finally falling.

"But you really can't, you're a smart girl, you know that you can't give him a roof over his head, you probably won't always be able to feed him. As long as you keep running, you will be hunted, and as long as he is with you, he is at risk. When you have a child, their needs come first, I know you love him, but I also know that a child can't raise a child, your circumstances just make the situation worse. In this situation you've got to do right by him, even if that means taking you out of his life."

And that took the wind out of her sails, she knew he was right, she was barely producing milk anymore-he was starving, he had a rash developing from the lack of suitable diapers, and his beautiful little cheeks were starting to hollow. Just being in this forest for a few days, the pair of them had probably picked up a few parasites, to say nothing of the amount of diseases and weather-related ailments he was exposed to. She couldn't do this, it was a bitter pill to swallow, she couldn't provide for herself, couldn't address her own physical condition, if he got hurt because of her, she would die. It was not a metaphor, if her own sinful existence hurt a hair on his innocent head, she would not think twice about ending her life to make up for damaging his.

"What's your name?" She questioned quietly, focusing all of her attention to his words while refusing to take her eyes off of her baby, who had finally calmed down, because this might just be the last time, she would ever see him.

"Vice-Admiral Monkey D. Garp," the man-Garp- stated solemnly, hating the situation almost as much as she did.

"If he's not happy, I'll know, I'll find out and I will kill you." The girl stated this in a tone that was more than a statement, it was an oath to the universe, and neither had any doubts that she would fulfill it if she had to.

"I'll make sure he will be, as far as I'm concerned, I just became a grandfather for the second time. So, what's his name?" The man asked, a softer look breaking through the aura of resigned devastation the young mother was radiating.

"I had planned on naming him after Saul- Nico D Saul, was what I picked out for a boy, but it doesn't suit him," the young mother admitted, slightly ashamed at the amount of time her baby had gone unnamed, " I suppose since I won't be in his life, I don't have the right to give him his name-just make sure it has 'D' in it?" She begged.

"If I can give a suggestion-he looks awfully fluffy, just look at all that hair," the man suggested trying to be offhand, while gesturing at the newborn's thick thatch of dark hair," 'Fluffy' is a terrible name, so how about 'Luffy'? Monkey D Luffy has a nice ring to it, 'Saul' might not be particularly common, but I'm sure he'll meet one or two, 'Luffy' at least is something unique to him."

"I-I actually love that," the young mother admitted, giggling hysterically as she had long since passed the barrier of laugh or cry, and was now doing both," It suits him, I really think it does."

She turned to her baby-finally named at a week old-and ignoring the old marine focused entirely on her baby," Luffy, mama loves you, she loves you so much. She loves the way you sniffle when you drink, the way you pull on her hair when you're not happy, she loves every little thing about you. You are so loved, I want you to remember that, because at some point down the road you're going to hate me. You're going to rage at me for not being with you, you'll wonder if I even care, if I ever really loved you at all. You can hate me if you want, I hate me too, for not being strong enough, for not giving you what you need, but I love you so much. I want to take you and run, find a paradise just you and me. I want to see you walk, I want to hear you talk, and teach you how to read, but I've got to do right by you, and I've got to give you to someone who can take care of you. You don't deserve to be hunted because of me, I hope you're happy and I hope you have a life where you can be anything you want and do whatever you want to do. I'll never stop loving you, and one day, I know I'm going to be able to see you and be able to yell at the top of my lungs that my son is the most amazing living thing on this planet.

Because you're my little miracle and I hope your new family realizes just how lucky they are that they get to have their lives blessed by you." The mother was sobbing but had managed to get her message out to the baby, who had seemed to sense the tense atmosphere but wasn't afraid of it anymore, reaching his tiny hands out to grab at his mother's hair.

"He's so lucky," Garp choked out, unusually moved to tears by the scene playing out before him," He's so lucky to have a mother like you and thank you so much for letting him become part of my life. I'll make sure he grows up strong, and that he knows that he is loved every single day of his life."

Robin let out a shaky breath and hesitantly, still wanting to take him and run, held out her baby to Garp, who accepted the newborn with steady hands. He immediately moved the baby to his chest to keep a good grip on him, the baby confused at the sudden transition of hands-no one except his mother had ever held him before in his short life. He didn't like the change, fussing and shifting trying to get back to the soft arms he loved so much, but Garp's grip was firm and the newborn was secure in his arms.

Robin took another shaky breath, ready to start bawling at any moment, staring at her baby in the man's grip-there was no going back now, she had to do this. And she slowly began to pivot in place and began a stumbling walk away from her child.

Luffy's fussing quickly became cries, which rapidly transitioned into wails as if he somehow knew that his mother was leaving- that almost broke her, but she shook her head trying to shake the doubts out from her ears and with a sudden burst of energy took off in the opposite direction, away from the little face she loved so much, devastated tears clouding her vision as she blindly ran as far as she could get from her baby-certain that if she stopped she would never be able to help herself from taking him back and never letting him go again-even if that meant damning him alongside her.

This was the ultimate love a parent could give, the ultimate failing too: to love your child enough to give them their best chance, even if it took them away, and hating themselves for the rest of eternity because they could not give their child what they needed most. This was all she could give him, this was all she could do, she had to do right by him and see this through.

She was sure she knew how her mother felt now, two generations of bittersweet goodbyes from mothers who loved their babies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm going to get a lot of hate for this, but the idea just wouldn't leave me alone! In several LuffyxRobin fics the phrase 'I'm old enough to be you're mother' continuously popped out at me as, that's actually kind of true in a horrifying way-as Robin would have been 11 years old when Luffy was born( which before anyone starts on saying it's not possible, it is, it happens more than anyone would like to think about it, and it is by no means a record-the youngest known mother in history was five years old when she gave birth to a baby boy-Lina Medina, look it up if you don't believe me).
> 
> As for why Garp didn't help Robin by adopting her too, his hands are kind of tied, in canon he was able to save Ace because no one knew about him, and no one would suspect him; that's not really an option with Robin. Ohara is still relatively recent in this timeline and the marine soldiers who got called know that the reason that she has stuck around the area was because she had given birth- criminal or not she is a child and that will boost some sympathy-Garp's men are loyal, but they wouldn't have been able to keep both Robin and Luffy a secret long enough to get them both to safety. I like to think Garp's superiors would be a lot more understanding in that he chose to save an at-risk baby over the criminal; if not then he could claim that she abandoned him and he couldn't, in good conscious, follow after her when the baby needed medical attention and food. If you hate this go ahead and say it, if you disagree with me go ahead and say it, I'm kind of expecting it.
> 
> As for Dragon- let's be honest he definitely would have helped both of them, but since he wasn't here, let's just imagine that he told Garp that he could use his name to Luffy as his father, if only to give the boy less hate for his blood. Believe it or not I actually ship LuffyxRobin so don't expect this to get continued.
> 
> The whole point of the story is Robin loves her child enough to give him up, because she knew that she couldn't look after him and she wasn't at a place where she was ready, Garp is ready and willing (he has horrible approaches to child rearing, but we all know he does it out of love) and both of them knew this, no matter how much they both wished circumstances were different.


	2. Three Times Nico Robin Lost a Child and One Time She Didn’t

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There had been other children over the years, children loved so desperately by their mother it was incredible. Yet, despite it all Luffy remains her only living child, and ultimately that is what keeps her going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspiration for this and I'm still a bit hesitant to post it because I'm kind of afraid of getting hate for this, but since people wanted an ending, I came up with this. If you have suggestions or comments, please give them.
> 
> Warnings for abortion, miscarriage, implied rape, implied dubious consent, information on a woman's menstrual cycle, implied borderline abusive relationship, and self-hatred.

**One**

She retched rather violently into the already disgusting bathroom this sorry excuse for a pirate ship boasted. This was her fourth day of vomiting, and she was having a hard time keeping anything down, something she knew her temporary crew would notice soon, the fact that they hadn't yet was either a testament to her acting skills or to the sheer obliviousness of the pathetic crew she was traveling with.

She was still in the stage of trying to deny what she knew was probably true- she was pregnant again.

She recognized the differences between vomiting induced by bad food or a virus and morning sickness. She dimly remembered her morning sickness from her first pregnancy, when she was pregnant with Luffy. It had been horrible the first few weeks, although she privately admitted to herself that her memories might be skewed by the fact that she hadn't really known that she was pregnant until Luffy had started shifting in her belly- having been convinced that she had some mystery illness prior to the momentous occasion that was her child's first kick-and her age had probably made things worse.

She could be wrong though; she might just have food poisoning-god only knew how toxic the food on this boat tasted. It could be nothing, missing one month didn't necessarily mean anything, she remembered the books on human biology that she had read in the library- Professor Clover had nearly had a heart attack when he had realized what her then five-year-old self had been reading, and just how much detail on the reproductive system the books had. She had been grateful for reading the book cover to cover when her body started changing, it was better than being uninformed.

Missing one period didn't mean that she was pregnant, she might just be so stressed that she skipped a month, or her horrible diet caused her system to divert all nutrients to body systems that were more vital than her reproductive system. That had to be it, she couldn't have another child, she couldn't give up another child, and she was under no delusions that she would be able to keep a baby- she was running from place to place and could barely eat and was forced to rely on scum for protection. Giving up Luffy had nearly broken her, she honestly suspected that in part it had, she couldn't do it twice.

She returned to the converted closet that served as her living quarters on the ship, still mulling over the potential options. And that little idealistic part of her brain, the part that still believed that she might have a chance at happiness, was whispering that maybe this could work out. Maybe she could keep this one, raise it and find Luffy-put a little family together of her and her children.

Garp's words and the impending reality of her situation reverberated back in her mind-a child cannot raise a child. She was thirteen, no matter what she had been through, she was still a child, and she couldn't give her baby a good life, that was why she had given Luffy up. She couldn't say she regretted the choice, she wished she could have kept him, that his mother's love was all he would need and her lack of knowledge and ability wouldn't hinder him; but ultimately he deserved a childhood where he wasn't hated for existing, where he had all the food he needed, a roof over his head, a doctor to make sure he was healthy, and she couldn't give him those things. She had to give him his best chance, and it was not with her, she had to accept that.

If she really was pregnant again, she would do right by this baby too. She would give it the best chance she could. Resolved in mind, she laid down on the blanket-covered wooden board that served as her bed, she would deal with the situation in the morning.

oOOOOo

She woke up in a pool of her own blood, the red soaking through the scratchy fabric of her skirt, dying the previously pale grey fabric a glistening crimson. She tumbled to the floor in shock, and tried to climb onto her shaking legs, managing to stumble toward the door of the room. She clung onto the wall as she led herself down the corridor, back toward the bathroom she had been standing in only hours before. She was woozy, the blood loss probably combined with shock, and her poor diet.

She made it to the bathroom, leaving a bloody trail of smeared footprints in her wake. She managed to support herself on the tiny sink and stared at her gaunt, sweaty face in the grimy mirror.

One thing was for sure, she definitely wasn't pregnant anymore.

**Two**

The marketplace was a bustling mess of sweating bodies, yelling, animals stampeding right and left as shepherds corralled them to be sold, and the smells of body odor, animals, incense, and food being prepared created an interesting atmosphere.

Robin tried to keep her head down as she weaved through the crowd, dancing out of the way of merchants, customers, and the odd goat. Staying in crowds was risky, but it was easier to hide in plain sight than to hide in a shady back alley. She was trying to lose the persistent Marine who had spotted her earlier. The two had been playing cat and mouse for about five hours at this point, and she was getting annoyed to the point of snapping necks.

While contemplating on the practicalities of eliminating the threat-on one hand he was annoying, on the other she would have to scram as fast as possible to get out of dodge, and she wanted to inspect the books available in the antique book stores the small island was known for- she continued to weave her way around obstacles, when a tiny form crashed against her legs, knocking her off balance and nearly sending her to the ground.

Reflexively waving her arms, the fifteen-year-old managed to steady herself, as she looked down to see what had struck her, she was met face to face with a tiny face and tearful brown eyes.

" S-sorry ma'am," the child, who couldn't be older than five, sniffled, biting on her lip as she looked up at Robin.

Robin smiled at the adorable child," It's fine little one, my name is Robin, what's yours?" She questioned, steering the pair of them out of the human traffic by a copse of trees planted near a series of open-air stalls that looked like they sold souvenirs for the tourists. She crouched down by the sniffling child after she had gotten them out of danger of being trampled.

"Hana," the little girl, who was a dark haired, rosy cheeked child responded.

"Well miss Hana," Robin teased out with a smile," Where are your parents?" She finished with concerned audible in her voice.

A child this young, in a marketplace as busy as this one should definitely be with someone.

"I-I don't know," Hana sniffed, tears starting to fall," I was with Mommy, but I turns around and she wasn't there anymore. And I got scared and- "

"That's enough little miss, I think I get the picture," Robin gently interrupted the child, taking care to keep her voice as calm as possible, no need to make the child more panicked than she already was. "Do you remember where you were when you last saw your Mommy? She's probably still there looking for you, or do you remember what you came her looking for, we could try finding her where she might be shopping."

Robins reasoning, calm demeanor, and solid plan seemed to give the child enough stability to begin calming down.

"We were by the flower sellers, Mommy wanted some for a big dinner- my whole family is going to be there!" The little girl replied, stretching her arms out to emphasize her description.

She really was adorable.

"So, by the flower stalls, and then I can assume she would be going to get food for this big party," Robin reasoned with a smile, glad that the girl was calming down and that they now had a solid plan. "So, miss Hana, shall we be off?" Robin asked, the smile lighting up her face as she swung the girl into her arms, easily lifting the child, who slightly yelped in surprise at being lifted so suddenly.

The girl quickly adjusted and squealed in delight at how much higher she was, forgetting her distress in the way that only a child can.

She pointed her chubby hand in towards the left," That way! That way miss Robin!" She squealed in delight, eager to be on her way.

Robin smiled at the child's eagerness and set off in the direction of the flower stalls, toddler firmly held in her arms, chattering off about all of the things she could see as Robin carried her.

It felt surprisingly nice to hold the child, a firm, solid weight in her arms, the little voice chattering in her ear. Luffy would be about Hana's age- did he weigh as little as this child, it seemed one good strong breeze would carry her away. Did Luffy even like being held? She knew that little boys rarely seemed to want to be treated like the children they were, always eager to show off how grown up they were. There were exceptions to everything of course, maybe he would have liked the higher viewpoint that her height offered-she was already approaching the six-foot mark, and she had a feeling that she would only get taller before long. For a moment she let herself imagine, a luxury she rarely afforded herself due to the constant need for vigilance, but just this once she let herself drift into the world of what ifs.

She pretended that it was Luffy she was carrying, he was such an adventurous little boy-carrying him seemed to be the only way to keep him out of trouble. She wanted to get some extra vegetables to serve with dinner, she should also grab some eggs they were running low. She'd need to come up with new strategies to convince Luffy to eat his vegetables, he was starting to doubt the story she'd told him about how eating vegetables kept the trolls from stealing his toys, one of her more creative stories to date. She had to get him to eat them somehow, he had the same hatred for green things that most children seemed to universally have, and the stories she told him only worked for short amounts of time before he figured out that they were just tall tales.

His sister-for today she assigned her almost-baby as a female, though in her dreams her almost-baby was male just as often- was at home today, with her grandmother watching her so she could spend the day with Luffy. Her mother was such a big presence in the lives of her children, Robin honestly had no idea what she would do without her.

Luffy was starting to get too big for her to comfortably carry, it was a shame, she would miss carrying him around, though it might make it easier to juggle her groceries without him in her arms, but she would have to be extra aware of him, to prevent him from getting into anything he shouldn't.

It was sad to see your child grow, it made her miss his smaller days, but watching his sister grow helped ease the melancholy, though watching her grow was just as bittersweet- and to be able to see the incredible journey of her children growing side by si-

"HANA! HANA!"

The shout broke her out of her fantasy world where everything was perfect, back to the real world, where she was trying to reunite a child with her family- a goal that it seems she accomplished.

"Mommy!" Hana squealed, squirming until Robin let her down, and she then darted toward a dark-haired woman who immediately dropped everything in her arms to kneel down and gather her child in her arms. Heaving sighs of relief as she hugged her child, who was thankfully safe.

Robin watched the scene with mixed emotions, in part happy that she had found the child's mother so quickly and partly jealous of the scene, wishing for a moment that it was her in the woman's place. Those thoughts evaporated as a tiny hand gripped her own and dragged her forward.

"Mommy this is Robin, she helped me find you!" Hana enthusiastically informed her mother, who was looking at robin gratefully.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," the woman gave a bow in gratitude toward a slightly startled Robin- the ebony haired teenager wasn't used to people treating her kindly.

"Oh-oh it was no problem at all," Robin got out in her slightly off balance, though not literally this time," I was happy to help."

"Still thank you." The grateful woman repeated, reaching out to grab Robins hand, "I hope you have a good day," she finished.

Robin smiled with a false happiness, "And the same to you," she replied back as she turned and began walking away, back toward her original objective. She would look at the books then leave, she decided. She suddenly didn't want to stay any longer than she had to, her arms suddenly felt as if they were made of lead, much heavier than the little weight they had carried not long ago.

Parting was always a bitter pill to swallow.

**Three**

The little plastic stick was mocking her. Despite her rational brain reminding her that inanimate objects are incapable of mocking or anything of the sort, she was firmly of the mind it was taunting her in a smug, sarcastic way.

The little plus sign was probably what did it, acting like this was good news while handing her a time bomb.

She couldn't have a baby, she hadn't even considered that she could be pregnant, honestly believing that the reason she had been feeling so poorly lately had been her immune system acclimating to the pollen released by a type of flower in Rainbase. She had been sent all over Paradise in the last week, making sure the millions were behaving and recruiting new frontier agents for Baroque Works, she knew from the previous year that the desert flowers that the locals cultivated in the city (the desert was already beginning to feel the effects of missing the rainy season this year, though most were holding out hope that it was just delayed this year) made her sneeze badly, hay fever being a very annoying thing. She had honestly believed when she returned to Alabasta that her lousy state of health had been caused by allergies, until she checked the date while filling out paperwork for the casino and stopped dead in her tracks upon realizing that her period was more than just late, it had been absent for three months.

In a sense of panic that she had refused to let show, she had quickly gotten her hands on a test, which lead to her current position on the floor of her massive suite's bathroom.

The twenty-five-year-old ran her hands through her hair, trying to get her thoughts together and into some semblance of order. She was in both better and worse circumstances than her previous pregnancies. She was in more luxury than she had ever been before, protected from most marines and bounty hunters by the shadow of Crocodile, and she had made sure that she was indispensable to him. Yet, her position was nothing but a facade, and she knew Crocodile only protected her so long as she was useful, the moment he was done with her, she had no doubts he would throw her to the sharks, if he didn't kill her himself.

And now she was going to have his baby, somehow, she didn't think that would endear her to him, it would probably be a sign of weakness he would seek to stamp out. The man certainly didn't like children, though he was good at hiding his disdain in front of the crowds of his adoring fans. Even if it was his child, he probably wouldn't show it any kindness, it would still be a 'sniveling, ill behaved, disease-carrying brat' to use the man's own words.

It didn't matter that she was an adult now, she knew she still couldn't give this child what it needed, she couldn't give it the stable life that it deserved. More than that, she didn't want a baby, she was so close to the Rio Poneglyph, so close she could feel it, and as callous as it sounded, a child would be a distraction. She had suffered for almost her entire life in search of the true history, and now that she was so close, she didn't want anything to slow her down. She had come so far from the child who dreamed of a family, who dreamed of friends, she only had herself in her sinful existence and she didn't want to damn someone else with her. In her worst moments she wondered if she had inadvertently damned Luffy with her poisonous life, and she hated herself for leaving him almost as much as she hated herself for wanting to have him back.

He was the only good thing she had done with her life, her current position near the top of the criminal underworld, the best of the worst, proved to her what kind of horrible person she was.

She loved the baby in her belly, that was a horrible truth in this situation. She loved it every bit she loved Luffy and every bit she loved her almost baby-the one that she had lost when she was thirteen. She had a decision to make.

Speaking of decisions, should she tell Crocodile: it was still his child and she supposed that he did technically have say in this, but when she already knew what his answer would likely be, why bother?

This child was different from her other two, this one had a father. Not to say that Luffy and her almost-baby didn't, but she had always considered them her children and hers alone, no one else in the equation. Crocodile was a presence in her life that she currently revolved around, and in the time that they had spent together, it was impossible for her to not think of this as their child. If that line of thinking even made any sense.

She loved this baby, she really, truly did. Did she love this child enough to make a decision that she would hate herself for, even if she might not regret it?

The answer came surprisingly easily.

Yes, yes, she did. She could not be selfish with this child's life, she stood in one fluid motion and began heading out, firm in her conviction. She knew there was a clinic nearby that performed the procedure- the picket lines regularly outside had effectively communicated this fact. She wouldn't be selfish; she wouldn't ruin another innocent life.

She would have her fantasy world that she would visit on rare occasions, never during waking hours, not anymore, but while she was asleep, she would drift to a beautiful dream world. A dream where she raised her two children in the Tree of Knowledge, with Clover, her mother, Saul, and all of the other scholars- giving her children the golden life they deserved, this child would now join its siblings in that paradise, as the best she could give.

Life was no place for a fantasy, it was her responsibility to do right by her baby, it wouldn't suffer its mothers cursed existence or it's father's apathy- she would make sure of it.

**+1**

Monkey D Luffy.

Her baby boy was standing right in front of her, helping the little princess escape from Whiskey Peak. The foolish little thing was determined to save her country from Crocodile, determined to keep anyone from dying. The idealistic little thing, she remembered being that foolish once, though it was so long ago now.

She knew what she was doing when she let the princess and the captain of the guard join, she knew what she was doing when she led them to Crocodile. When she set the charges on the ship, angled just so that the inhabitants of the ship had a fighting chance of survival. She had made her bet, now it was time to see where the chips would fall.

She just hadn't counted on Luffy.

She had kept an ear out for years, always hoping to hear some kind of news about her child. She just had honestly never expected what she had encountered. Her son had become a pirate, that must not have made Garp very happy, but it was Luffy's happiness she was concerned with.

Thirty million out of the east blue was very impressive to say the least, his crew most likely weren't weaklings themselves, his first mate was strong enough that baroque works had attempted to recruit in the past-that said good things about the others.

She had dreamed over the years about this moment, about meeting her little boy again, this scenario wasn't quite what she had hoped for, but wasn't the worst out of everything she had dreamed up.

He wasn't as tall as she'd thought he would be, not as muscled as she had dreaded Garp would try to make him. He was healthy, had a crew that respected him, and he was strong, that was everything she had ever hoped for.

He destroyed the eternal pose, which partially terrified her, but she had no right to decide his life, to make him do anything. She loved him, so she had to respect his decisions, even if she wanted to drag him away from this whole mess, wrap him in cotton wool, and hide him in a deep cave away from the world.

She vaguely recalled a passage in a book of poetry from wise people throughout history 'your children will forever do the things you shall disapprove of: deal with it'. Of course, that was heavily paraphrasing it, but the message held true.

The crew had become very uneasy as she continued to sit in place, even after her offer had been rejected, just staring at her captain. Her sudden smile definitely through them all off, as. She jumped down from her perch and approached their captain with quick strides, stopping before him.

"You've grown into such a fine young man," she uttered, prouder of him than she could find the words to express.

This confused everyone on board, but Luffy most of all.

"Do I know you or something lady?" He questioned in his usual blunt manner, honestly perplexed by the way this woman-who was helping Crocodile, had just blown someone up, was the bad guy in this situation- was talking to him, like she knew him.

"No, you don't, but that's my fault I suppose. You were so young at the time; I'd be more surprised if you actually did remember me. I'm just glad to see that the decision I made regarding you all those years ago turned out as well as it did." Th ebony haired woman answered, feeling a sense of peace the likes of which she had never known before. All she had wanted was to give him his best chance, and it looked like she had succeeded.

"W-what decision?" Luffy questioned, something important was happening here, he could feel it, he just had no idea what it was. All around him, the peanut gallery stayed silent, they could feel the heaviness of the air, but knew that whatever was happening, it was not their place to interfere.

"To give you the best chance I could," the woman answered, confusing everyone even more than they already were, "I guess I'll be on my way now, I look forward to seeing what you are capable of."

She moved toward the side of the ship where Banchi was waiting, intending on leaving everything at that, before giving her parting words to her child. "I always hoped that you would look like me, even though you don't, I'm still glad that you don't resemble your father either. Garp promised he would make sure you were well taken care of, I'm glad to see he wasn't a liar."

The widening of eyes and dropping of jaws of the occupants of the ship, and the stuttered "Wait, are you saying-"from the orange haired navigator went ignored by the raven.

An easy leap landed her on Banchi's back, the turtle easily heading off towards their next destination. She figured the crew would believe that she was lying, she was the right hand of their enemy, she would think less of them if they didn't doubt her, but she had said her piece to her child, that was all she honestly cared about. She had an organization to covertly sabotage, she had already made her bet, but she would help them as much as she could discretely.

Though the sense of contentment and the smile refused to leave her.

He really had turned out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically this should be 4+1 instead of 3+1, but there's only three on this page, and you can count the previous chapter as a prequel, or part of this if you want. I am pro-choice and do not want to hear flak about it, with her situation she is between a rock and a hard place, she wants her baby, but she knows Crocodile won't have it, she can't raise it while still being chased, and she honestly hates herself at this point in time. To Robin, the selfish thing to do would be to bring a child into this world to a mother who believes she is a devil (the world agreeing with her), a father who at best wouldn't care, and a life on the run; yet she still wants to keep it, but she believes that with her circumstances the nicest thing she can do for this child is to end its suffering before it ever begins. I'm not saying that is the right thing, not that there really is a right thing, but it is her choice and that is all that matters, it is nobody's business except her own.
> 
> All a mother really wants out of life is to know she did the best she could for her child, this is something my mother has taught me over the years, I also got inspired for Robin's thoughts about how her children belong to her and her alone, with the father not even really being a thought. Believe it or not, but I have over twenty half-siblings (as far as I know, there's probably more that I don't know about). My mom doesn't care about my dad, she cares about my siblings, because these are my brothers and sisters, and she wants to make sure I have a relationship with them, but as far as she is concerned my dad is just a sperm donor and I am hers and hers alone. If you think that is right or not is up to you.
> 
> Review please! Tell me what you think, I want to hear it, but please try to be constructive its better than just an angry rant as with constructive criticism I can improve my writing ability.


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